Oooh you're a naughty mess

the writing is going well/ i've set myself the very achievable task of writing one page each morning and one each evening/ thus by the end of the week i'll have fourteen pages/ i'm basically writing a succession of short stories/ the first went well/ i've now started the second/ however i'm ill prepared to write a lot of what i have to write/ a lot of it is incredibly painful to remember and i write by putting myself back where i was and remembering everything as it transpired/ thus i have to live out all of these painful experiences again/ i think this might be incredibly cathartic/ i'm hoping too that my girlfriend, who finds it hard to see beyond her own emotions, might be given a nasty shock and realise just how hard things were for me/ from her behavior at the time it was evident she;d adopted her usual stance: no one's suffering is a significant as mine/ i just wrote a page and some of it made me weep/ i hope her very least reaction will be to weep/ i hope she realises just how badly she let me down/ of course, she occasionally cottoned on, even at the time, in sporadic moments of drunken self-realisation/ but most of the time she was a very cold, nasty person/ she'd found some fairly needy people to buy into her cause and so everything that had transpired before and had got us to that point was negated/ i was just the enemy, and she, as always, the victim/