happy birthday me!/ today i am 28 years of age/ intake de yester: 1 w; 35cls scotch; 3 cans stella; usuals/ woke to a delightful breakfast of coffee, smoked salmon and eggs, champagne and orange juice/ also possessed some wonderful presents: baggy beige trousers; beautiful notebook; bodum cafetiere/ i feel wonderful/ went on a proper adventure last night/ managed to raise pounds 35 in no time, was invited home by no less than two girls (declined both/ no cheater i) then pissed got a divine w around 0230/ some foul whore attendant managed to ruin my stay however, but i let it go easy/ life is too good to ponder the actions of fools/ now off to tate modern, then my bro over for drinks, then my favourite restaurant tonight/ oh life is dandy/

feeling ok/ intake de yester: 5 cans strongbow super; 1 bottle table red; 5 w; the usuals/

de ool yurgenvyurg'n (id est moi) 's begun to diarise in several different locations: his desktop; at blogger; in a small muji notebook, where he also writes quotes and thoughts/ shambolic?/ no/ i (he) writes when the need takes/ thus a notebook for travelling; the desktop in the office for a change of location; and blogger for routine/ i just love to write/ when i first started to keep a diary i would do almost nothing else all day/ as a student of the university of london one has access to many beautiful libraries and reading rooms/ i would sit in beautiful reading rooms at heavy oak desks, walls lined with old leather bound books, writing in my leather bound diary whose thick ribbed paper would receive my inner most thoughts/ now i make my journal entries available to millions, but what matter?/ no one reads these blogs anyway...

Many signs portended a dark and stormy day.
Macaulay

feeling ok/ intake de yester: 5 cans strongbow super; the usuals/ woke late (around 1100) went to the pharmacy then out for coffee/ now sit and 'work'/ been quite a naughty chap again/ wednesday turned into a bit of a white excursion/ i promised myself i'd not connect locally but it was just too tempting/ however i refuse to have a repeat of hackney, no fakkin' wey/ not feeling compelled to write so will spill some wisdom later/ peace...

been watching a couple of peter doherty and katherine moss videos/ he seems a very sweet chap/ not a bad thing/ just seems obscenely dull currently/ however, can't believe that the drugs made him deteriorate to that extent/ it usually makes people more amusing forward-slash interesting but he seems to have been robbed of all ability to appear witty and-cetera/ as a young man he was a complete licker/ the press laud his academic abilities because he got a tonne of gcses and a couple of good a-levels/ well, so did my sister, and she achieved this not because she's intelligent (she's not) but because she worked her ass off (id est didn't ask questions)/ the most intelligent bloke at my public school was a rebel to the point he got less than 5 gcses and then got kicked out/ the genuine rebel does not conform at school/ but moreover as a conformist at school he still only managed to get into queen mary/ so.../ these people are absurdly overrated/ musicians are generally dumb, thus quoting someone with gravitas, whom they've perhaps even read in a book of quotations, gives them an intellectual appearance/ having come from a genuinely intellectual background makes this jar with me enormously/ as an intellectual one judges oneself against the intellectual heavyweights of the world (there is no one higher)/ thus the intellectual standards of people in the music industry seem to me (particularly because i like music and thus have some degree of respect for people in the industry) something i can't grasp/because their music does wonderful things for my emotions i naturally expect them to be articulate, intelligent, witty.../ but they aren't/ thus it seems an ability to create great music does not require great intellect/ these people have some degree of intelligence but nothing compared with what i'm accustomed to/ i think a of lack of self worth has a lot to do with it/ had i more self worth i think i'd have a lot less respect for these people/ why do i have a lack of self esteem?/ because my father was a complete cunt/ thus had he been someone i could have looked up to i would not so desperately look around for role models/ 'you should never meet your heroes'/ why?/ it's not the hero's fault/ it's the fans fault/ heroes are the construct of insecure individuals/ once one begins to get more confidence one begins to see one's heroes as people with certain abilities, not as someone beyond/ looking for anything beyond shows a distinct lack of satisfaction with the actual world/ now whilst 'actual world' is a highly ambiguous concept, i use it as against highly unrealistic ideals people posit because they can't face their own failings/ many people cannot face their own shortcomings, and they kid themselves in various ways/ one of these, as we've seen, is the (sometimes mass) creation of heroes/ and this is why i, and others, expect so much of these, largely, mediocre people/ we want them to be something we aspire to/ but they're not/ now i don't feel an enormous amount (or indeed any) sympathy for these people (id est the heroes)/ they revel in the adulation and get a great deal from e.g. having their ego's massages, blown, made love to magically/ so they cannot really castigate the public for expecting a lot from them/ they enter into this contract consciously, and if they don't realise what it entails, well, they're fucking idiots/ they can't expect the fame deal to be a one way street/ i agree that no one's privacy should be compromised to the point they feel threatened/ however, a lot of celebrities feel they should receive ceaseless adulation for their meager deeds and give nothing in return/ it is fine to feel that others expect too much of one, but when one

drinking/ 've'd an orgasmic after smkn crk, hn 'n' cigs/ drinking strongbow super/ taken usuals early for the ratio of 'each' was unfair/ also drinking, and it seems to be working/

intake de yester: 1 bottle organic cider; 1 can k; 1 bottle shiraz; usuals/ listening: happy mondays, tart tart (peel sessions)/ drinking: latte/ deciding how to spend the day/ shame i don't know how or have the inclination to develop my talent/ wondering how to get some/ off to buy absinthe soon...

've just spent the most insanely relaxing bank holiday weekend at the coast, hence no entries since friday/ so...friday got very drunk, went out for a fag at 0100 and walked to nearby tooting, where i tried to score crack/ got taken for pounds 15, though it didn't vex me greatly because it's the second time i've been skanked in a long and prolific career/ it was a meager amount and i broke all the rules of scoring: drunk to hell, no one knew me, i handed over money without seeing anything/ foolish but the guy left me with his pipe as security and i got a couple of nice hits off it/ then secured more booze from a very late night shop and moseyed home in the glorious pre-dawn fog/ it was poetic mate/ got home about 0400, sat up for a bit the went to bed/ luckily we were in a hurry the following day to meet my parents so i escaped a bollocking/ drove to suffolk with my parents and spent the following three days suspended in responsibility free bliss, all paid for by my parents/ lobster, sun, organic cider and moonlight walks/ bliss/ then home last night to a can of k and a bottle of shiraz/ watched chinatown, which was stunning/ listening: babyshambles, albion/