gurgen vurgen shurgen nurgen/ burgen nurgen/ anger throughout my soul/ restlessness molests/ hate encloaks/ why am i an elephant?/ a Doberman?/ a fucking devil's dog?/ why can't i be an idiot?/ they seem much happier/ but i perceive people's reactions/ i remember/ i never forget/ and thus i anger/ i seethe/ i boil/ i want PEACE!/ even if its imperfect/ peace/...please?

there are various reasons why i do it, but i think the product is the least/ of course i don't want to get caught, but it occurred to me this morning the expensive bottle of wine is a secondary concern/ i didn't (in fact don't often, usually) really want it/ i certainly didn't (and again often don't) really need it/ what i needed (to wit what i need) was (is) to feel alive, and perhaps to a lesser extent have my world view confirmed/ i.e. that i'm smarter/ better/ but every time i get away with it, though i'm right, i'm saddened, because its so fucking easy/ its too fucking easy/ never ending circles...

having possessed up and at them far too early i feel a tad off balance/ thus i'm sipping excellent, exquisitely chilled vino frizzante (a prosecco) from a methadone measuring cap/ quite divine/ i always pause briefly before drinking at such an early hour, but only briefly/ i just can't stand the feelings of restlessness and unease one invariably experiences on rising early/ i certainly wasn't expecting to feel thus/ i thought in the round i'd some kip in the bank/ yesterday, e.g., i got a merry surfeit, which i assumed explained why i awoke bright eyed at 0500 this morn/ however, i'd only been out about 10 mins when the old unease kicked in like a fucking mule/ i'm sure a bottle of fizz will put paid though/ it is rather divine/ meant to be meeting jason and his bitch whore girlfriend later/ can't wait/ an after of strained frivolity and forced laughter/ wunder-logg/

for reason(s) unbeknown up obscenely early/ good night last/ procured my bottle of vintage around 2000 having napped a good few hours/ then played black jack and downed a couple of dilcoflex 50s, a few paracetamol and a good slug of methadone before swaying to bed ensconced in something similar to the old feeling/ nice/ now drinking coffee and writing/ cannot wait till tomorrow/ all is in place for a fantastic score/ man i've bide my time/ but it's not been too bad/ as long as i have fine wine and company life is tolerable/however, tomorrow will be ace/ i think my abstinence has been strongly noted because i'd got back into the pattern of going over every day/it's now been a few days and i'm feeling it/ i'm not sick but i do miss the routine and the delicious taste/ listening to mondays and contemplating an early morning stroll in the park/