lamentably no post yester because busy and then phukk'd, so intake of: 1 bottle wine with lunch; 1 can k cider; 1 large rock of excellent crack; 2 further cans of k; 1 bag of delightful heroin; 1 bottle of wine with supper; 20mg citalopram; 3000mg flaxseed oil; 1 cod liver oil tab with eve primrose/ woke feeling fine fine fine, boshed paracetamol twain and have just had delicious coffee from nero/ out soon in the delicious summer blueness/ it is truly a day to rejoyce in the marvel/

"I have measured out my life with coffee spoons..." - T.S. Eliot

didn't realise till seeing this burrough's plagiarism/ i've seen lyphe measured out in spoons, droppers/ maybe a paraphrase/ however even if plagiarism who cares?/ besides it is true/ mein lyphez bin measured out in bottles and bags and pills for years now/ initially bags of heroin, then physeptone (methadone) pills, then pills and bags, then many many many bags, then many many many bottles of (illicitly procured) methadone and many bags of heroin, then daily 90ml bottles of legal methadone and again, many many many bags of heroin/ and on it goes/ today i'm much better in my use/ whilst my use 'on top' (i.e. surplus to my methadone script) has gone from very heavy (6 bags a night) to minimal (6 bags a week) i have developed a serious alcohol problem/ but i then i had a serious alc prob even when i was using heavily on top/

drynk'n'/ one can stella within am now working way through bottle one shiraz (14%)/

feeling good/ intake de yester: 2 bottles shiraz (13.5%), 8 cigarettes, 20mg citalopram, usual herbal adjuncts (2 1000mg flax seed oil tablets; 1 cod liver oil with evening primrose tablet; one multivitamin)/ woke feeling rather nice around 0830, made coffee and went to pick up my methadone script/ have just, at 1140, completed breakfast and am, obviously, typing/ my hearts not really in it however, so i'll bare the old soul recently/

absolutely/ i even love the taste of my own belches/ that must and can only be a good thing/ crazy is a word people bandy around as meaninglessly as genius, good, great, gifted, bad, evil, animal, all that shit/ fuck it/ let me be/ let people be/ be what you are/ don't fuck about/ i've fucked about and wasted so long it ain't even funny/ not even vaguely humerous/ you cannot even raise a mild snicker, no/ i don't care/ caring is the death of the self/ take the idea of karma, for example/ doing something good?/ no/ doing something beneficial for the self/ but it's so indirect/ why not do something good directly for the self?/ fuck 'karma'////

i do not give a shit what the doctors say/ i've had one and already i feel the better self creeping in/ i will dominate the world

feeling marvelous/ docs app went smoothly: one month's supply of antis have i/ and now i've also b twin and cans twain k/ rather foolishly i have been unable to fathom the cause of my recent lethargy/ my tiredness has been manifest thus: constant lack of energy, tendency to sleep all night (0000 till 1100, 1200, sometimes even 1300), then post lunch maybe a nap around 1430, 1500 which can stretch till up to 1900/ then up, supper, drunk and home (sorry bed) again around 0000/ i've just inhaled some c21h23n05 and i feel marvelous/ thus my lethargy has been an aspect of low level withdrawal/ until a couple of weeks ago i was smoking daily, and no small amount/ the last fortnight i've been smoking max twice weekly and not much either (typically 2 or 3 bags)/ clearly using daily on top of my methadone for many months would engender another habit/ i've been on mmt for over a year now, and have used daily since/ to not develop a habit under such circumstances would be impossible/ so, i developed a heroin dependency atop my meth dependency/ and we all know what happens when amounts are reduced or types of shit are withdrawn/ yes, withdrawal/ and i've not only had my meth reduced, i've, as stated, gone from daily heavy use to twice weekly mild/ alcohol is the only (pleasant) spanner in the works/ i wake pissed, booze doesn't wear off till about 1700 next day, and by then i've usually started drinking/ thus between sleep and drunk i feel very little of the horrible pain of sykness/ this is a good thing/ now i'm where i am (as, invariably, we all are) i intend to stick with very occasional use (once/twice a week) so as not to pick up another habit/ i'll also gradually reduce alc intake ( a necessity anyway on antis)/ so my only dependence soon will be methadone and antidepressants/ marvelous!/ if any fellow bloggers would like to leave comments i'd be tickled rouge/ bye!

am crying out for antis/ head v. bad this morn./ intake of yester: 1 btl shiraz (14.5%)/ so yes, my head feels terrible/ i had awful, vivid dreams and woke feeling i could not sleep anymore/ thus up at seven thirty am and typed and read/ then to cafe for coffee and now home and cooking b'fast/ my appointment with the doc is at 1430 and not a moment too soon/ i cannot go on like this/ i feel awful: tearful, low and weak/ thankfully the bitch has passed the mantle to me/ like aforestated, i was depressed when i met her but she's taught me the real meaning of depression/ i am just not enough of an arse-hole to pay her pack in kind (though i wish i was)/ i need to get over it and move on/ i've wasted almost an entire life sunk in terrible woe/ the last few years have been particularly bad though/ it may seem i write obsessively about these things, and i do/ but i have very little else to write about/ this is my life...

• I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams.
  • Hamlet, scene ii

it's 0000 midnight/ i've'd
a bottle of shiraz, 14.5%/
feel good...

might continue thus/

how terrible is it when wisdom brings no profit to the wise...

feeling good/ out for 'business' lunch yester daytime/ intake: btl and half wine and a sambuca with lunch; half bottle wine and spliff at clam's; seven pints at pub; can stella and several zoots back at clams/ heavy, man/ slept like i was dead at malc's then back to bed around 1300 after brunch at home/ slept on and off till 1900/ the up for treble latte, did shopping and now typing/ drinking an excellent shiraz and eating divine artisan bread with ultra-yet-to-have-it's-hymen-compromised oil/ wasp-tree (id est di/d/b/bee/wasp and vine/tree)/ nice/