barely awake/ stayed up with t'alba till about 0dukmrfjtwas little esdh, and la/ i'm leaving that in because it seems to capture my current state of mind quite accurately/ any box, slipping between wake and non-wake so''ll construct some scentene slater/ bizat, fu...

got the other job too so now i've to decide which/ it's all rather dreary but the journey back thru soho to purchase ornette coleman's the shape of jazz to come, whiskey and then down pall mall and across st james's park was divine indeed, a pastel pink and crystal blue sky and a rippling, freezing river winking diamonds/ god that sounds horribly literary/ the whole of central london is frozen, below zero at 1200, which is quite something/ listening to alfred cortot play liszt's hungarian rhapsody no. 2, about 20 versions of which've now been uploaded to youtube/ before one could only get live performances, one by maxim and one by lang-lang (which some people hate, though i think their hatred is nothing more than jealousy for his performance of it on radio 3 was virtuosic, to say the least) but now a whole plethora, some by the great masters of the past century, is available/ anyway, vurgen out...

listening edgard varese, arcana/ on visiting my drinking partner and local raging alcoholic v- he informed me he'd given up drinking tho' by the time i left he'd revised his position to 'a few days off'/ ha!/ will he last hours 24 is the question?/ i sincerely hope so/ little else to report/ got an appointment for another similar job demain, one closer and better paid so, if i get it, i'll turn down t'other/ it's funny hearing about my peers, all of whom are in highly paid or highly responsible jobs/ i simply have not the ambition/ as long as i can pay my rent, buy records and booze and have the leisure to read and listen to music i'm content/ and that's not a complacent attitude/ i simply gain far more from my lifestyle than say, working in derivatives or for the treasury/ i think some of them find it a little strange since i was the only one to get a first but i'm much happier now than when i was in pursuit of a doctorate/ in that instance i found the satisfaction somewhat deferred/ that plus it was the first time in my life i'd not been able to breeze through/ i'm a lazy sod/

up late last night arguing with some supposed composer about various things/ not a bad guy but he'd a tendency to miss the point, often to force his own, though i guess we're all guilty of that sometimes/ drank triple distilled vodka which leaves you feeling pretty much fine the following day/ my channel goes well at www.youtube.com/billyshitcheese/ a fine day here, much frost and sun set to pastel colours/ almost finished camus's the outsider which i'm spinning out/ my reading material's pretty much been limited to the private eye since i last devoured a cavalcade of novels/ my plan to read all the books i own before buying any more goes well also in that 've not bought any more and 've almost finished all those i own/ also maintaining at 15mls methadone, no use atop for a lengthy cycle and drinking's not too bad, so booze weight i'm shedding/ whenever i'm mildly inclined to score i consider how better my money could be spent/ e.g. i'd usually not balk at dropping GBP 50 on crack and heroin but would at GBP 39.99 on a jap. audiop. repressing of marley's catch a fire/ yesterday i'd the thought to score so ran home and bought the stooges fun house and cap.'s clear spot/ i find this policy works quite well/ any by-road, must drugs and alcohol services haringey (dash)/ l8rz...

early to bed l.n.d. and no booze so awake youngly this dawn/ listening cello song, nick drake/ there is such a lot of shite spoken about how the sixties was the dawn of open minded youth culture and so bollocks but the sooth be the best artists, drake, hendrix, beefheart, henry cow, we largely ignored, particualry in drake's crate/ the 'folkies' even refused to accept the best blues of act of the late 60's, junior wells, because of the way he dressed/ no doubt there were barriers broken but there are all the time and it has fuck all to do with decades, which is merely a neat way of compartmentailising to appeal to a consiousness with a love of simple binary choices/ i'm wary of any form of definition and particularly of movements (hippies, punks) who claim to be anti-establishment and in fact are even more facist in their tastes than the societies they claim to reject/ the human wanker, eh?/

doin' g'd/ on the scotch mist again last night, up at v-'s and relegated to the sofa/ woke in the beautiful mid-dawn to frosted windows and black ice/ then to the wonder-market for moloko where a woman was amusingly shoplifting, placing her wares in a bright pink suitcase/ needless to say she was detained on trying to exit/ clearly not an advocate of subltey/ of got job phoning people not too far from home and with flexible hours/ shd be a rrriot/ other than that...cap.'s spolight kid arrived this morn., beautiful 180gm/ not h'over tho' probably still drunken/ ate a near tonne of grapes and drank flagons of wasser and milk so should be oh-kay/ that's it/ oh and don't forget to check out my channel, billyshitcheese, at thou-tube/ got some great andy kaufman/ yeah!

feeling a dameron run-in, consequence of an intricate rainbow trout replica, nose slightly blocked/ whiskey is a cruel mistress/ any-who, albert collins, in love witcha, coming from my speakers/ have to go to e- for are-ex soon tho' snow falls outside/ looking for a job as freelance work is currently nowhere and i can't muster the enthusiasm to make money from letter writing and researching shitty articles for frog-fucker bi-monthly, and-set/ thinking about becoming a disc rider for radion (platon?), d'course/ i just have shit for ambition, any career i might have deemed desirable sullied by the detestable morons who inhabit them/ that plus an opposition to work engendered by a long running loathing of my father makes me a hopeless and frustrated consequence of my circumstances/ weak, you say?/ d'course/ admitting my failings glibly to defer responsibility?/ perhaps/ do i care?/ at some level (if that means anything, which is probably doesn't)/ n'er mind...oh and http://www.youtube.com/billyshitcheese

thu noo-eee dare-nee-eh? was fine fine fine, j- and i- over for supper and drinks, tho' started early at v-'s with smooth bushmills and zoot/ i played many records, apparently spoke extensively about captain beefheart and the happy mondays before v- popped down, trumpet in case in hand and freeing it played along to thelonious monk and sonny rollins/ currently listening street song, the 13th floor elevators/ go roky!/