all good/ bizarre dreams, one involving my working at an office two miles above the north sea/ i had to climb a thin string ladder to get there and from the top could see only the sea drop over the horizon, storms and such played out in the mid-distance/ i managed to escape and flew around an interpretation of soho which has occurred in several of my dreams but them compelled to return started climbing the ladder again/ about half way up i met my mum who started babbling about what sort of job i had before i climbed away from her/ abruptly the ladder ended and i was left suspended, surrounded by freezing gray atmosphere, terror rising in me/ no idea wtf that means/ been listening to a bit of sidney bechet this morning and now the wolf is howlin from the speakers/ nice...

all is well/ wrote 3 chapters yester., which is nice/ to bed early la nuit d. (2300 hrs) and slept till 1200 today/ took the hound for a long haul this early post-1200, the park and quieter roads of a devastatingly beautiful aspect, carpeted with multi-colored leaves which stir gently in the breeze/ currently sipping a guiness original and contemplating plans for the eve./ as per i shall probably stay local/ to see any of my previous associates requires some degree of effort and i expend mine recovering from the previous days delights/ 've been trawling through my record collection, astounded by the sound quality of a deck i picked up for pounds 14.99/ today has seen much tricky, some chet baker, eric b and rakim, the cure, the beat, schubert, chopin and bee.'s piano conc. no 1, giels at the keys/ the second movement reduces me to a sobbing heap/ nice/ anyhoo, must crack on...

um yum gouch-ity um/ 60 mgs codeine; 200 mls methadone; 20 mgs citalopram; 1 btl mow-ey; 1 bag heroin; 1 rock crack; now 1 guiness at my right/ i feel yUm...hm hm/ needless to pronounce potentially paid graft is on the back-burner/ fats navarro is on the stereo/ i do not wake up intent upon hedonistic pursuits...i just regularly become involved in them, rather it seems they regularly involve me/ but ah, i'm certainly not complaining, nah mean?/

doing masta ace/ a fine time yester./ twas my brother's b'day/ held it here so ppl flowed through la maison throughout the day, as did much booze and music flow through the ppl/ i also finally bought a record deck and so've been exorcising my vinyl/ monk and navarro till near dawn, swigging champagne and eating rich food, then the dog and i saw in the sunrise with a viewing of china town/ must to e- for rx soon/ also must try and sell some articles/ i've not sold one in a while and only have 1 check owed/ add to this my penchant for liberal spending and it bodes ill/ oh well, i gave up worrying as well as thinking many summers past/ listening autumn leaves, 'cannonball' adderly/

all is well on the home front, the rest sent to falkirk/ these days my nightmares occur in their correct place, viz. in my sleep/ we all know how memory cheats us and this was apparent yesterday as i read an old diary/ the autumn or 'fall' always brings a nice fuzzy feeling, it having been my favorite season of the year to score heroin/ the many years i lived in f-p- my route to the spot was across the park, which always looked devastatingly beautiful as the leaves turned/ moreover i find the beauty of scenery more profound as an adjunct to some course of action/ a walk in the park is pleasant but purpose pisses on aimlessnesses (or slender aims) hence the profound impact the autumn weather has on me/ it even overshadows memories such as this - 05.10.05: phoned bank this morning and wept/ parents gave me pounds 1600 four days ago and i have pounds 140 remaining/ this'll keep me well for 2 days, if i'm careful/ tested curtain wire as i may hang myself -/ oh memories...

doing fine/ only one can en route to acquire rx/ drank it in the graveyard next to e- station and read over an old diary/ got home and the bug fuggered me, so consequently to bed where slept a vivid dream sleep for about three hours/ if i've been using large amounts of methadone for a couple days i invariably get a couple night's vivid sex and scoring dreams, though the latter is never consummated (discuss)/ now drinking guinness orig./ alba cooking supper, chicken chow mein/ dog asleep on the 'study' arm chair/ all quite comfortable/

doing good/ out for chinese last nuit then my mate from upstairs returned from a sojourn in the country so we'd a wee weed smoke and a bottle of red/ still managed to get to bed before ten and then woke at 1100 this morn., p'haps b'cause f'n' a touch of the flu (of which there is apparently an epidemic in londres)/ thus sustaining the self with flagons of water, black coffee and aspirin, ibuprofen and paracetamol tablets/ have to make the flog to the pharm. to fill my rx before 1830/ i could switch to a pharm. closer by (there are about 3 within 5 minutes walk of my flat) but i seem strangely attached to this inconvenient routine/ it is a chance to read and write in peace and sneak a can of three in the early to mid-after./ well, must press on...

f'n' evun aser/ bin tekken un-in for sashimi and sake by d- and now sit ekootin to master flow(s) doom, el chupa nibre/ many have thought, felt and/or said that most famous are so because of the ignorance and/or bad taste of others/ i would tend to agree with this/ thus one must pursue art for it's own sake and to indulge one's vanity/ more of the good red, the bad red, the mediocre white and songs of the fathers and bastard daughters till the dawn of an age we can trust!/ razors at sunrise, bitches/

f'n' guurd/slept h'rs 13 la nuit d. and rose feeling well/ out for b'fast with the alba and then a phenomenal tread with the staff. thro' s'th l'nd'ns green acres, can of k at my side/ the scene was idyllic, the trees painted by van g. and after the can gaugain/ now home and planning a quiet post-1200/ may get some reading done/ if i'd one wish it'd be to switch my holics for work/ any holic is left of but at least workaholism produces more lasting rewards/