party time

when the
Rave
Ended i sat for
years
alone in my
room. i now get
nervous around
people, so before i
mingle i take
pills. they make me
strong
untouchable
gregarious
fun. i can
smoke without
anxiety. i can
talk and not feel my
words
hanging
lifeless and
heavy in the
void between
me and
them. i can
be...

f'n' g'd man/ jus' been out for a russett apple juice at my local and now sit typing listening to the bird song from without/

f'n' g'd/ easy jour yester. post impromptu party tues. n'g't/ procured rx twain for the bank holiday period, did some work and made supper, drinking only one can stella (500mls, 5.2%) and retiring 1905, rising ce matain 0755/ thus feeling pretty well restored/ about to construct cafe schwartz and ecoute to some songs/ must procure m today and 've a docs app. this post-noon/ fun fun fun/ then weekend off to choose my b'day present (a dog!)/

to be a poet is to cut passions in verse for a sick people. read on....

a blog a day

keeps inertia away and it
works
temporarily

even if i've
nothing to write i'll
write

every
being needs
something

without
activity spirit
ceases, body
rots

restless movement between
moments is what keeps spirit
alive

frustration, therefore is
central to the
human condition

true
satiety is
death

life is ever
moving, devoid of
satisfaction

till the
absolute
rest

feeling pretty g'd/ brother over for meal last n., he and alba sharing 1 btl barolo, i stuck to special brew (a mere 3 1/2 cans for the day)/ also daily methadone intake down to 30 mls, citalopram to 20 mgs/ i feel like my muscles are waking from a long sleep/ but were it not for the booze and drug fug would i get such pleasure from simply feeling more alert?/ for those who enjoy the tunes i recommend try sure nuff, cpt beefheart, at thoutube/ listening: pomme fritz, orb/ drinking: cafe noir/ reading: charterhouse of parma, stendhal/ the dog is asleep by the door after a large b'fast/ the maddening humidity has finally lifted, dispatched by several days of heavy rain/ how frustrating that so much of our life is determined by electrical or chemical impulses/ conversely it is great one can change one's life-outlook &c with a pill/ i'm used to being 'out there' (aeons of training) but nonetheless rarely enjoy it/ i mean everything has a price, the higher you get the more damage you do to yr body and mind, but whilst one becomes tolerant of substances, one doesn't come to tolerate the downside/ there are ways to cope with it, stoicism born of experience, anti-depressants, good diet, writing, psychiatrists, but it does seem a little unfair that the good effects wain and the bad seem to increase/ moreover the 'honeymoon period' is relatively brief (with smack a few months, maybe a year)/ what i'm saying is naturally of no consequence and any notion of cosmic unfairness is of course absurd/ it is just a 'head' bewailing the end of the party/ so fuck it...

remarkably feeling ok/ am currently mutt sitting, one roxy, an adorable staffordshire bull terrier/ she was home sick last night so i sat up with her till first light, talking to her and playing her chopin/ she finally slept and the was up at 0800, hungry/ i was still obscenely drunk and had an amusing time navigating dog to the shop for some butchers chow/ she's now sated and snoozing on the sofa, chopin on the stereo/ i've got her till tomorrow lunch time/

f'n' pr'ty g'd/ alba out with her family yester so i home alone/ 'twas a top day/ the rain fell heavily without and the garden glistened dark green/ i sat warm within, lulled by the swaying sound of the patter on the grass and the wind in the trees/ i drank special brew, wrote a bit, read a lot (100 poems by Buk., most fairly unremarkable though occasionally he hits the right note)/ 'd an afternoon nap then finished sid and nancy and watched final 24, the subject sid's final 24hrs/ the latter was pretty shit but i do have a soft spot for sid and nancy/ it's directed by alex cox, who did repo man, stars gary oldman, always a treat, and the guy who plays johnny rotton bears so little resemblance to him it's hilarious/ i think someone as smart as cox would have knowingly caricatured rotton/ yeah so, great/ then the woman returned with an italian ham, roasted mushroom and marscapone pizza and two enormous san miguels, my treat for being a brave boy and surviving without her/ then up at the crack of this dawn to buy coffee beans, make coffee and listen to beethoven's violin trio in b-flat whilst preparing b'fast/ toujour i shall be writing (a review of altamont) and possibly trimming my nails...peace