very very very naughty/ intake de yester: 1 can k; 40cls whiskey; 1 bottle table wine; double antis/ christ/ went to a meeting with the abla and kept nodding off/ she had to elbow me continually to keep me conscious/ watched mercury awards last night and then passed out/ apart from chem res, feel okay/

teeth grind and mildly irritated throat such as typically accompanies my sleepless nights (by this i mean less ten hours - i'm catching up on quite a deficit, don't y'know?)/ anyway will secure a good bottle of margeaux later toujours - that'll cheer me up/ listening: abecedarians, smiling monarchs/

up early/ no booze coma so no long sleep/ i'm think i'm better off in the round with plenty sleep and a heavy booze residue...so, intake de yester: 1 bottle table wine; usuals (and since i missed wed., intake de wed: 5 cans strongbow super; 3 rox; usuals)/ am i back to a crackney thing?/ absolutely not/ i have control over this one/ distance plays a role/ in c-ney my guy live 30 seconds away/ here it's a good 15 minute walk and maybe some hassle and after a good meal and a bottle of red i cannot be arsed/ those evenings i have a mind too it's great because compared with some of the missions i've had to go on in the past this one is easy/ so i have the best of both worlds, i suppose...anyhoo, l8rz...

bin guuud bwoy/ yester: 1 bottle chilean shiraz; usuals/ just'd a beautiful b'fast of artisan bread, normandy butter, organic eggs and bacon and freshly squeezed oj, capped with a delightful treble espresso/ now back to bed with my beautiful woman to digest then work off some cals (cheesie!)/ so feel less buried than during heavy drinking/ rather than head to offy for my starter can of fortified cider i slept instead, most of the day in fact/ then rose around eight, got coffee and did weekly shop/ then home, watched beverley hills cop 2 and knocked up a superb supper: organic tolouse sausages, artisan bread (from sains/ this shit is fly), shallots sweated in normandy butter, some shit called 'devil's breath mustard' i got from a poncy deli on holiday, mayo with a side of gerkins and fries/ fucking delish/ rounded this with apple crumble and custard and some anti-depressants/ mynted/

clicked neck felt good/ missed AA ce soir/ always have the best intentions of going and fail roundly every time/

jesu!/ lucky i keep a detailed and honest to bog blog/ i am one wild motherfokkuh/ i just forget/ every night is an exercise in wildness, i just get so embroiled in what ever sensations occupy me at any one given moment that i forget, exemplar gratis, the nochtie of successful hustling and moseying two nights ago/ and it just goes on and on/ months of cataloged madness/ and at home i have a wooden chest full of notebooks cataloging similar exploits/ i just enjoy my lifestyle too much/ the negative aspects of ma vie are dwarfed by the salutary, heavenly, hedonistic attributes/

feel good/ intake de yester: 1 irish coffee; 2 cans red stripe; 3 cans k; 3 cans strongbow super; 3 aspirin; 2 paracetamol; usuals/ not bad, considering it was a day long thing/ thus woke feeling pretty good/ had divine coffee (regular) and stunning b'fast of thick, organic bacon, sunflower seed bread and grilled italian tomatoes drizzled with olive oil/ truly high was i on uplifting fare/ then boshed aspirins thrain (or three aspirin) just within satchel (or case) and now typing/ am to AA the neet though i always feel like it in the morning then, with the advent of my late morning-lunchtime drink my good intentions fly from the window/ c'est la vie/ i just love drinking so much/ if i could afford a habit, i'd clearly do that, but i can't and so alcohol is the next best thing/ and i've so many happy memories of drunken days and evenings and nights/ so many great times/ so we'll see what happens...

need nooh/ quack?/ quick?/ what?/ need what i've got and got it but what to do with it i don't know if i new i would not spend my whole life searching searching searching i search and search and search and question and obsess and let go and pick over things and numb myself (mainly numb myself) i do so every day always with the best of intentions but it does not take long to thwart them thoroughly is the sense of hope one awakes with and which is extinguished by heavy drinking worth what i get from drinking? 'tis after all a welt of weight and measure but when i see the behavior of individuals a lot older than me i do feel i know a lot more than they and indeed i do i've lived further than them in a far shorter space of time but what of my liver?

'd a pleasant day/ irish coffee for b'fast then typing and writing assisted by two cans of red stripe/ then to shop for three cans k, back and a, the cans drained, i downed my antis and ignatia, smoked the remnants of my hashish and retired to bed around 1500/ slept till 2130 and now cooking supper, aided by 2 cans strongbow super/ yes, i have a little problem, so off to alcos anon tomorrow/

waking up (though i've been up almost two hours)/ superb birthday yester/ intake: 1/2 bottle moet; 6 pints 1664; 1 dbl whiskey; 3 cans red stripe; 20mls famous grouse; 2 spliffs; usuals/ just poured myself a cafe bukowski (id est with whiskey)/ i begin alcos anon demain, and what a fine way to say ciao to a career in hedonism/ after my phenomenal breakfast went to stamford brook to the abode of my best friend greg, alba along too/ we had a quick drink and a spliff then headed to the pub where he works and the serious boozing began/ we managed a solid 5 hr session but greg had to go to work so we parted, came home, continued the party and listened to hours of phenomenal music, the experience made exquisite by the thc (something i have about 3 times a year so all the better when i do)/ all in all an amazing birthday, spanning as it has a fortnight/ piece out!