veins filled with slow lead this morn/ smoked boo-coo hezza yester, washed down with a babbling glade of fine white burgundy and some talisker 10/ very pleasant/ of fortune had sur-meth this morn so having combined with several stiff coffee am roughly coming around/ need to slip off at some point and get a couple of bags for the journey/ the gear at the mo exceeds excellent/ moving today, unfortunately/

i am a terrible son and lover/ just phoned mater and extracted cash under false pretences/ and whilst i secured the cash to redress a balance (i've scored more than i should of late) i will score again/ the bags at the moment are just too good: huge and the gear excellent/ a fucking rare combination/ i mean the gear really is excellent/ strong, smooth and leaves plenty of recycle in the mouthpiece/ and the quantity: pee heych wopht/ a large pale rock of quality gear for a tenner is to be sniffed or smoked or jacked at/ so here i sit awaiting the deposit and simmering nicely from my recent smoke/ moving house tomorrow/ the situation exceeds tragic/ however i am not going to let it darken my outlook/ i've resolved firmly to never let depression rule me again/ never again shall i allow my mind to speculate darkly on things to come/ after all, nothing ever happens/ for all the hours, nay days i've spent squirming in the very depths of despair, my mind wildly speculating, extrapolating, postulating horrific, morbid, turgid thoughts, conclusions that are never met in reality/ what a fucking waste, no?/ thus i am billy no worries/ i worry not because worrying is a thoroughly pointless exercise/ even the argument that it is necessary to spur one to action is fallacious/ it may well spur one on to some degree but there are other, less ruinous ways to achieve the same end/ out

having a very relaxed day/ morn out for coffee then across the verdant park to score burgers and the usual/ then home for smoke (four different kinds) and now type/ i do enjoy making entries in my journal/ i like reading them even more/ i love having some sort of memento of my activities/ might retire for an afternoon nap/

excellent day yester/ having suffered insanely for several hours (not sure if it was body detoxing or simply injured by excess) i finally picked up and we (greg, jo, malcom and myself) ventured out for fun/ i went to grays inn squat and picked up, then to brownswood where i got uno and uno and then to restaurant where we drank fairly well before home for spliffs/ a throughly enjoyable day/ my only wish is that jo would let me balance her completely inactive libido with a nice gentle smack habit/ i have picked up a habit recently and consequently am completely untroubled by sexual desires/ its really very restful/ of course i love sex but as one grows older on becomes more realistic (no, not defeatist - how often have has the youthful belief and enthusiasm in the inherent goodness of things been violently thwarted - its why ones perspective changes)