Oooh you're a naughty mess

all good, bob dylan, highway 61 on the deck/ got to earn some bread, man/ i just have such a powerful antipathy to work, i mean it really scares me/ i've not had the best experience of hard work, a combo of generous parents, easy academic success, tutor and peer flattery and 28, yes 28 shitty fill-in jobs has cemented some ideas in my mind what are not conducive to success/ as the great pablo p said, inspiration does exist but it must find you working/ when i work at writing i get good quick but, as well as a love of and facility with language i've for a long time been in love with the idea of being a writer/ however a combination of fear of failure, realising just how hard one must work and the fact there are a lot of chumps writing out there has really devalued the whole notion for me/ i know it's gratifying to create, achieve, overcome and set er ah and when i'm into something i certainly don't lack ingenuity or zeal/ and sometimes i wonder 'maybe it's not for me, if it don't just flow all the time', but then is that defeatist?/ possibly/ refer to the russell quote below.../ right, where am i going with this.../ yes, so selby jr said what got him going was close to death he thought if i die and've done nothing with my life that'll be un-cool so he worked his ass off and wrote a fine book/ but then working from fear...that's terrible/ but then he got probably more out of that experience than not going through it/ yes, that's it, of course there are no absolutes so one has to settle for the best possibilities/ and maybe concentrate on the positive outcomes rather than constantly pour over reasons for, possible outcomes (as one knows no one can predict any outcome...at best one can get lucky)/ ok, so i should write because i feel frustrated when i don't and gratified when i do/ and maybe if i just get on with it my mental block re: work will be chipped down, blown away even...hum...martin hannett...i don't know, but then neither do you, or you, or you for that matter, but shouldn't we at least try?/ tyes, yes we should/ ok then i will/ good for you, pessimism is a disease and we don't like those, do we?/ i'm not sure/ well that's your problem/ but some claim surety is absurd so that's a problem/ yes but then one does nothing...common sense must be applied/ label labels labels...suicide/