Tuesday 28 August 2007

been watching a couple of peter doherty and katherine moss videos/ he seems a very sweet chap/ not a bad thing/ just seems obscenely dull currently/ however, can't believe that the drugs made him deteriorate to that extent/ it usually makes people more amusing forward-slash interesting but he seems to have been robbed of all ability to appear witty and-cetera/ as a young man he was a complete licker/ the press laud his academic abilities because he got a tonne of gcses and a couple of good a-levels/ well, so did my sister, and she achieved this not because she's intelligent (she's not) but because she worked her ass off (id est didn't ask questions)/ the most intelligent bloke at my public school was a rebel to the point he got less than 5 gcses and then got kicked out/ the genuine rebel does not conform at school/ but moreover as a conformist at school he still only managed to get into queen mary/ so.../ these people are absurdly overrated/ musicians are generally dumb, thus quoting someone with gravitas, whom they've perhaps even read in a book of quotations, gives them an intellectual appearance/ having come from a genuinely intellectual background makes this jar with me enormously/ as an intellectual one judges oneself against the intellectual heavyweights of the world (there is no one higher)/ thus the intellectual standards of people in the music industry seem to me (particularly because i like music and thus have some degree of respect for people in the industry) something i can't grasp/because their music does wonderful things for my emotions i naturally expect them to be articulate, intelligent, witty.../ but they aren't/ thus it seems an ability to create great music does not require great intellect/ these people have some degree of intelligence but nothing compared with what i'm accustomed to/ i think a of lack of self worth has a lot to do with it/ had i more self worth i think i'd have a lot less respect for these people/ why do i have a lack of self esteem?/ because my father was a complete cunt/ thus had he been someone i could have looked up to i would not so desperately look around for role models/ 'you should never meet your heroes'/ why?/ it's not the hero's fault/ it's the fans fault/ heroes are the construct of insecure individuals/ once one begins to get more confidence one begins to see one's heroes as people with certain abilities, not as someone beyond/ looking for anything beyond shows a distinct lack of satisfaction with the actual world/ now whilst 'actual world' is a highly ambiguous concept, i use it as against highly unrealistic ideals people posit because they can't face their own failings/ many people cannot face their own shortcomings, and they kid themselves in various ways/ one of these, as we've seen, is the (sometimes mass) creation of heroes/ and this is why i, and others, expect so much of these, largely, mediocre people/ we want them to be something we aspire to/ but they're not/ now i don't feel an enormous amount (or indeed any) sympathy for these people (id est the heroes)/ they revel in the adulation and get a great deal from e.g. having their ego's massages, blown, made love to magically/ so they cannot really castigate the public for expecting a lot from them/ they enter into this contract consciously, and if they don't realise what it entails, well, they're fucking idiots/ they can't expect the fame deal to be a one way street/ i agree that no one's privacy should be compromised to the point they feel threatened/ however, a lot of celebrities feel they should receive ceaseless adulation for their meager deeds and give nothing in return/ it is fine to feel that others expect too much of one, but when one

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