Oooh you're a naughty mess

much like belacqua i spend much of my time wandering and drinking (though mercifully the similarities end here)/ i have, as per, alot on my mind/ a lack of moral support from my family, atop everything else which ails me, weighs immensely/ how i pine (stille) for things to be different/ amusingly the necessity of them failing me is some comfort (i think we all crave some sort of regularity) but fundamentally it still hurts/ perhaps the perverse comfort one derives from whatever regularity is one of the minds ways of self-protection (who knows)/ so i intend to hide in here till i feel better/ i can really feel some sort of collapse approching and it terrifies me/ when i fall there will be no one there to catch me/ i need to escape (and since i cannot escape physically, i must employ other means)/ my chest is constricted, i'm sweating profusely, any sense of mental surity is rapidly deserting me/ i can handle physical malasie (just) but mental malaise (the kind which i know not how to control) really floors me/