feeling terrible, something of a stomach disturbance/ i speculate it might be the mild drinking of the past three and one half years/ this malady colours my every thought, makes all seem threatening and hopeless/ for one with my particular bent of mind, any further pain is really quite unnecessary/ born to suffer...

doin' 'k'/ wine and beer d'late so no suicidal feelings in the early morn./ currently drinking rouge and listening to miles, straight no chaser/ not much is news/ another annoyingly successful day at work on saturday/ sunday got very drunk on polish beer and french wine and watched the abysmal batman begins, followed by the lamentable the hills have eyes/ i watch maybe 5 hours of television a month and it's far too much/ it spews forth little but poisonous vomit/ vile/ any-route...so jeff mills show going out on friday/ what else...need to take a bath and shave my head/ office christmas party this coming saturday which, aside from the free booze, should be excruciating/ bizat...

doin' marginally/ went on an ill-advised and unsuccessful smack mission at 3 am this morn./ got to bed at 4 am and then up at 9 am/ had to sort out some shit at the job centre and then bought a small bottle of famous grouse and sat in the library reading diary excerpts of joe orton, gide and others, comfortable in my solitude/ then met the alba but she to a friends & i, not wishing to be surrounded by nattering women, bought some cheap whiskey and now sit drinking and listening to son house/ what else...yeah not doing too bad generally/ heroin cravings have unexpectedly returned with full force/ rather my willingness to throw all to the wind and score has returned, making for a very unpleasant time/ i just crave it so powerfully after a couple of drinks it's almost unbearable/ hummmm...../ so work tomorrow, nothing sunday then work monday and tuesday with the radio station consuming wednesday/ a bit run down as not taking my vit.s as assiduously as per/ oh well.../ what else?/ not unhappy, suicidal feelings kept at a distance by simply avoiding certain types &/or combinations of alcohol/ fuck it all...

doin' good/ gradually relearning the basics, i.e. bathing daily, clean clothes &c./ even using jo malone vit. e hand cream and expensive soaps/ sticking to the supplement routine which woks a treat - as yet i've not caught this rampant 'fluenza/ what else...drinking moderate/ pissed at work on tuesday and acquired a bottle of irish whiskey and a moleskin notebook before hand/ then yester night'd someone over for dinner, roast lamb, and drank whiskey and beer, waking to a managable psyche (in part because of the quality whiskey, je pense)/ then today sorted out guests for future shows, had a long bath, an exquisite and lengthy session of self-gratification, even though tonight i'm upon a promise of beautiful, ripe ass.../ anyway, not had a drink yet but about to then put on the supper/ briggerz nake...

doin' 'k'/ my rigorous routine of pillules is keeping the influ at bay/ drinking on thursday got a tad out of paw: 4 ltrz cider; 8 pints john smith's; one line of very powerful cocaine/ felt a little sketchy yester. so bed early then up around 2130 to listen to my show/ after a very nice blow-job went to sleep again/ not at work today as my bank is fucked by the weather and thus withdrawl nor card transaction can i make/ might go in for the post-noon but quite tempted by the chilled cider in my fridge/ hummmm..../ listening to my john the conquerer root, muddy waters/ bi-zat...

doin' alh fookin' raht, yah koont/ interviewing shaun ryder tomorrow, which should be nice/ today drinking woodford dry, a 5.3% cider of exquisite cheapness which makes me fluctuate between heaven and despair/ since i last wrote...got a weekly radio show, this next on bruch/ um, what else...'ve used once since my last post, much brown and a tiny bit of blanc but the consequences were not too severe/ drinking's fluctuating fae very heavy to mild to very heavy, currently residing at mild/ what else...nothing of great importance save a diet of smoked fish and health pillz is keeping me from the blade and/or bridge (which is nice)/ and that's it...

doin' ok/ drinking whiskey and enjoying a (partial) day off/ three more shows in the pipe line, which is nice/ drinking too much as usual but kept alive by good diet and 4 ltrs water per jour/ head been in a ripped state occasionally (e.g. m- & m- over sat. n'g't and we consume 11 btls wine between them, self and the albrect)/ got in trouble last week for smoking "god's own" for the first time in months/ why i have to confine myself to booze, a psychologically and physically ruinous drug, when the answer in in the poppy is beyond me/ "god's own" is viewed worse than a diseased and violent rat because of erroneous preconceptions/ conventional fucking wisdom is for retards/ and because of retard wisdom i suffer, drinking ocean after ocean of vile, toxic booze/ hopefully one day the poppy will be vindicated...