feeling ok/ recovery not exactly linear/ 'ving 'd a few dry-ish days, last night, my good pal v- in attendance and charles mingus on the aural box, consumed three beers, one glass vin red, two cans special brew and 40 mls m./ gouched very nicely and watched deliverance and the wire/ and c'est ca/ oh, and bathing regularly, to the shock of many/ innit...

doing good/ drinking green tea and listening to no loafing, black uhuru/ my dub forward-slash reggae obsession continues/ by what will i be obsessed next?/ ask the muses, bitch/ off to the doc.'s soon to get the old internals checked/ i feel a shit load better for quitting booze/ since my unfortunate incident last week i've'd only one relapse and aside from that two bottles of beer/ success...

doin' well/ no booze the last day, no m. the past twain/ feeling pretty good tho' lethargy and kidneys whom ache like fuckery constitute mild concerns/ reading bukowski, post office, again/ work today plus a host of chores/ getting my kidneys and liver tested thursday/ apparently i have early kidney damage and extensive scarring of the lungs, but i'm only 29 so i doubt these are intractable difficulties/ keep it deathly...

to bed at 0200 this morn. post 1 btl wine, 20cls meth. & 40cls vodka/ gouched deliciously, well within my limits/ a stark lesson have i learned/ been very good today/ only one small beer and one with supper/ just bought prince jammy, uhuru in dub, a very fine album indeed/ i am in the excellent position of now being able to enjoy dub immensely without any sensi/ jah...

man should be judged by his actions,
not intentions good or bad

pope

indeed/ glass of wine in hand, james brown on the stereo, i feel guurd!/ watch me!...

recovering from my first (and hopefully last) od/ tues. ngt was well, drinking with the woman and my sister/ i'd a lot to drink (5 btls wine, 1 can special brew and 2 cans stella) then decided to drink some methadone/ i downed 110mls, an amount which 1 month ago would've'd no effect, and the next thing i remember seemed as looking through a slide of a membrane, pulsing and awash with acid at the edges/ then snatches of wires and tubes and being moved around till a clear image of the recovery ward around noon/ apparently the ambulance crew when they first arrived thought i'd been sleeping outside my body was so cold/ they got my heart going and then it stopped again in the ambulance/ i have no reliable account of what happened other than i took a huge overdose/ this is the first time i've been out of bed in two days and i intend to stay off the fucking booze and leave the methadone alone, no matter how complicated i feel/ that said, and in spite of intentions, how can i possibly know?/...

doin' ow-kay/ listening to prince buster, hard man fe dead, a truly sublime skee-yah track/ no m. in four days, which is nice/ work la nuit d. was predictably easy tho' post-chaotic lifestyle some degree of regularity is certainly welcome/ but how many times's one heard in drugs/alcohol groups some imbecile claiming because they have a phone and are engaged in an amateur dramatics course life has gone from unbearable to supernal?...how they fool themselves and make relapse a dangerous, not pleasant, proposition)/ h'ver when regularity becomes inertia then chaos 'ere me come/ i suppose a functional member of society is one who can live comfortably 'twixt, tho' as plato said, what strange names are given to diseases/ bizat...