Oooh you're a naughty mess

now the comforting blanket of opiates and booze's been pulled back i'm raw and prone to serious fluctuations of mood/ e.g. at work i never bother to talk with many people, merely because i have no interest in doing so/ i was warned at my pay review this had been 'noted' and i was a 'strong presence' and should be wary of this/ i thought 'what the fuck, i don't notice other's, why should they notice me?'/ but on saturday i spoke to virtually no one, read my book and felt acutely aware that this bothered others/ consequently i thought about work after work, something i've not done before/ what is so wonderful about opiate intoxication is it allows me to behave as i want/ if i don't want to talk to people i don't and do not give a fuck/ however now i'm suffering unpleasant thoughts & emotions/ i love social contact and am usually very good at it/ however when i willingly slip below the radar and am not blanketed i experience strong feelings of paranoia and persecution/ but i am not willing to counter these by e.g. mingling when that is not what i want/ true the opiate-alcohol cocoon limits one, but i find it liberating because my emotions give me far too much grief/ hm...