aching/ out for a very late and long one sunday night i was relegated to the couch, waking at 0845 to a bollocking &c/ by 1100 i felt vile so pursuaded alba to let me lie down for minutes 10/ these 10 became four hours, so didn't get m till 1551/ surprisingly suffered little ill effect but exhausted i retired to bed about 1900 and slept till 0934 this morn/ supposed to be working but can't really get into it/ need to get a can to smooth those rough edges/ money is under tight control so he of the graft is my only viable instantiation, and without the auto pilot which cannot be forced i am not he/ oh well...

as yet no fruit has been bourne/ thus i've abandoned hope, not least for the joy of what i'd hoped for occuring against a position of pessimism/ winner i in that position or the contrary/ feeling good/ had a glorious time at house of s yester and left floating positively (not one mite of negitivity gnawing at my happiness)/ then acquired some fine foods (camambert, proscuttio of parma, org. bacon, a rather fine merlot) and constructed an exquisite late snack for the alba and i/ slept phenomenally well and post-cup of coffee to pharm. reading ibsen and bedecked in finery (scarves twain of fine cashmere and merino wool)/ have recently imbibe my first can of the day and when my tenure here expires will shop and return home for a well earned nap/ what a punishing reigeme...

feeling good/ a days abstinence yester (not voluntary but dictated by my rapidly diminishing funds) left me a little raw and twitchy the night through, but i slept pretty well and thus feel fine this glorious winter morn./ a heavy frost sits atop the leaves and grasses and as the sun drives through them they glitter like so many sparkling jewels/ it's alright/ my shit has yet to bear fruit, but i'm unconcerned as a friend said three days is standard/ well, roll on demain...

feeling good/ business as usual/ how i adore my routine/ as per, sitting in i-cafe sipping iced stella and digesting a stunning b'fast had a calm day yester: 11 cans stella over a 12 hr period/ to bed at 0215 as i was getting into army of shadows and realised were i to see it though i'd suffer the following day (unless of course i were to sleep till the early after, but with dusk approaching before 1600 the prospect of only 2hrs daylight is eminently depressing)/ off for a bracing walk on the common with that which constitutes an albatross (to with, the alba)/ hmm.../ nothing to report but my contentment/

sipping stella to take the edge off last night/ started at house of m, whereat consumed 2 dark 'n' 1 light, then to house of n whereat procured 2 valium (10mg) and then with n to offy for beers en route to the house of s/ at house of s worked my way quickly through 3 light and procured 1 dark which we took to house of d for a relaxing smoke/ then home, where drank a few beers and sat smug and warm in a blanket of h and valium/ around 2100 got bored so out again to house of s, whereat smkd 3 more light and procured another dark which again i took to house of d/ as usual plenty stone there so smoked till the early hours, procuring a can k en way home, then at home chain smoked and drank beer till i passed out en couch/ schweet!

doin' gd/ calm day yester: 3 day cans (stella) then bed at 1630, waking for houres twain at 2205 the back to kip till 0850/ woke with a feeling of optimism and clarity i've not know in decades/ cooked a phenomenal breakfast (organic bacon that seemed to glow with vitality, org eggs, normandy buttered toast and org coffee) and now attempt work and to resist urge to visit marcus...

excellent ngt last/ having scoured the lifeless streets and tower blocks with n for a cpl hrs finally lighted upon some old associates of his whom inhabit the most spectacularly dingy house i've ever seen/ one 'spencer' produced an enormous bundle of stones, his (much) older and decrepit brother produced the pipe and i settled in for the best smoke i've had in years/ they were all suitably impressed with the quantity of my intake, dubbing me a 'badman' who courts 'murder-man pipe'/ i was tickled pink by their recognition and left whipped and deleriously happy/ slept well last ngt and woke feeling great, meeting pa for coffee at nero at 1030/ i put my excellent state of mind down to my quitting k cider/ currently attempting to coerce f into coming over/ l8rz...