Oooh you're a naughty mess

i am with someone i despise/ i despise this entity because it has abused me, let me down, hurt me, bad-mouthed me, ran to the nearest person for support when i needed hers (me having given her (sorry, it) six years thereof)...it goes on.../ my shrink thought i was with her because i had an abusive father/ i was (am) therefore trying to a) remain in a environment i'm accustomed to and b) redress things with my father through a, similarly abusive, partner/ this has some truth to it/ however, it occurred to me the other day that the entity also fulfills a mother role/ my mother failed me repeatedly, namely because she couldn't protect me from my father, but on other occasions she would take out her frustrations on me, being too scared to stand up to him and needing some release/ so this entity encapsulates qualities of pater, namely self-righteousness, an utterly delusional sense of saintliness, denial, lack of self-recognition (this applies to both ma and pater actually), and qualities of mater, e.g. letting me down, coldness, taking out her frustrations on me/ an example of this last, had she been bullied, as she was always claiming she was, at work (or latterly at the house she shared in finsbury park), she would take out her frustrations on me, never the perpetrator/ then when it would encounter the perpetrator it would be absolutely charming (indeed, i think rather fawning and obsequious) to this person/ so, as you can see, i'm a pretty sick guy/ if i told you some of the stuff she's done you would think 'why the fuck are you with her?'/ indeed once i confronted her about the things she'd done and, in a rare mood of honesty, she said 'i'm so sorry...why are you with me?'/ well reader, i know why...all too well/ but i can't do anything about it/ and so i'm trapped in hell...