Oooh you're a naughty mess

my gut is perturbed by anger/ the bitches mother, the uber bitch, is here/ her existence is utterly pointless/ indeed the only point i can see to her existence is as some object of historical significance/ the more beguiling aspects of my charge's behavior i find adequately explained by her mothers behavior/ for example, the sheer selfishness of her actions/ on moving out her mother felt understandable homesickness and assuaged this with constant, often unannounced, visits to what is now our house/ when she did bother to alert us of her imminence it would be on the flimsiest of pretexts/ jo is heavily pregnant, but does her mother come round to check how she is, to clean or to cook or do anything productive?/ no, she comes and slouches around the house, in doing so deriving some tepid comfort, the height of her efforts no more than prodding boxes of her belongings which should have been moved out a month ago/ the other day, when jo was genuinely sick, the bitch, having promised to come over and cook, failed to turn up or even call to say that she was not coming/ fucking unbelievable/ thus, when she is here, to even look at her i find a fucking trial/ i cannot even go into some of the other things of which she's guilty/ i just find her sheer selfishness overwhelmingly infuriating/ i hate her with absolute and unchecked fury/ i also find the piety, which seems, invariably, to go with such behavior, makes the behavior itself even harder to swallow/how anyone can get to that age and possess such a slenderly developed sense of self-knowledge is quite beyond me/but what the fuck/ again, what difference does my anger make but to the detriment of my health?/ right, none/ unless i communicate it, but what good would that do?/ would it change anything?/ no/ would it make me feel better?/ certainly not/ so by recognizing this, this truth, i gain nothing but pain and frustration/ her family have always inspired me with rage, frustration and discomfort/ they are an extension and explanation of her/ to understand someone one must need look no further than their environment/ and she is horrifically easily influenced/ when she was working her colleagues we largely rather nasty, lonely, needy people, prone to unreasonable emotional outbursts/ and so while she was working there she was prone to?/ nastiness, neediness and unreasonable emotional outbursts/ now she spends all her time with me she is lovely/ i must sound horrifically self-righteous but i spend an enormous amount of my time being self-analytical and critical/ but just because my anger is not one-sided, is it justified?/ of course, but a course of action being justified doesn't necessarily mean it is the best course of action/ the best?/ the one with the best possible outcome/ and what is the outcome of all this anger?/ i need not detail the obvious/ so this justified anger is not the best possible course/ so i must change/ i must change my thought processes/ if i'm going to be self-indulgent, why not be profitably self-indulgent?/so, miraculously i've reached a positive conclusion/ i've been eminently aware for no inconsiderable amount of time that i'm a self-indulgent, self-obsessed bastard/ but i use what is essentially a strength, ironically(and in the proper, not bastardized, modern sense of irony), to my detriment/