Oooh you're a naughty mess

moderate intake last night and again this evening/ last night one bottle chilean white wine (13.5 percent), tonight two rocks of crack, three bags of heroin, a half pint of stella, a single jameson and a bottle of italian table wine (11.5 percent)/ i intend to round off the evening with a quadruple brandy (p'haps twain) and couple more bags of smack/ very nice/ rolled around town today following my pipe, a sweet cloud following me through the rain-slashed streets/ i woke this morning with the worst head: vile clouds of depression fogged my brain, awful knives slashed me and i was left exhausted/ thus a chemical jaunt seemed inevitable and, as i floated up the incline in finsbury park i realised it was just what i needed/it has occurred to me this evening that inventiveness is the thing, creating something/ sitting around speculating, horrible thoughts ransacking one's darksome house of mortal clay, is no way to live/ well, it's a way to live, but it's not a good way to live/ my depression is manageable at the moment/ in fact, for the bulk of my existence it's been manageable/ when it became unmanageable i was truly terrified/ it's a whole new game and, because each 'game' is so idiosyncratic, one is left to the fucking wolves/ the period of unmanageable depression i endured was undoubtedly the worst period of my life/ i've had other bad patches and experiences but this was one long, unbreakable nightmare/ even a bad trip wears off in about 12 hours, but this was every fucking day and night for about two years/ and then i discovered heroin, and very rapidly my brain was restored/ currently drinking rum from the bottle and wanting to write more than i want to!!!/