feeling good/ up early drinking tea/ took an anti to cheer me on, though initially i always feel a little off kilter/ intake de yester: usuals/ had no money (no centavo one) because of various actions of thursday night/ thus alba's sister ordered us a takeaway/ i don't feel too bad/ it never ceases to amaze me just how profoundly my physical and psychological bearing is affected by lack of sleep/ i sweat, my throat feels raw and dry, my stomach groans, my forehead burns; and my mind is usually crowded by faceless ghouls/ small wonder i was such a screwed up teen-early-to-mid-twenty-something/ sleep had been the making of me/ some see methadone as a millstone, but i know i was held back in ways far more profound before i started taking it/ i have been freed by this particular dependence/

mental me/ intake de yester: a fine margeaux; 35cls scotch; usuals/ as usual my day was a misadventure in the underworld/ what individuals i associate with!/ i no longer see it as ironic, though some of those i rub shoulders with find my public school accent hilarious/ i just can't stand people who adapt their persona to their surroundings...weak ass bitches

again sleeping prolifically/ autumnal winds stir the leaves of the tree outside my bedroom window and i doze richly/ divine/

been doing good/ intake de yester: 5 cans special brew; 35cls whiskey; 80mg citalopram/ fucking great/ haven't done an awful lot today/ slept a lot/ feel ok...

'd to remove last weeks postings so alba would not learn of my little skiing trip (snow, white, and i didn't want it causing another 'crack' in our relationship...geddit?)/ anyway, intake de yester: 5 cans special brew; 20cls whiskey; usuals/ feeling good/ been sleeping prolifically/ 've drawn a line (oh my sides!) under my little white binge and feel all the better for it/ 'd delicious coffee out this morning and now speculate on what to do with the rest of the day/

feel ace/ soon to lunch with alba and her cousin/ intake de yester: 1 can k; 5 cans strongbow super; usuals/ today woke at 0900, spent a pleasant hour in nero drinking coffee and reading the papers before returning home to excellent czech beer and several whiskeys (20cls highland cairn/ the cheapest in my second nearest offy (boycotting the nearest for the fucker refused me tick of 60 pence when i was spending upwards tenner a day there) but, much nicer than the similarly priced jacobite)/ thus flying/ just stole and read the first chapter of an appalling biography of comedian andy kaufman/ it compelled me to read on, like the morbid curiosity which causes people to slow down and stare at a car wreck/ the prose was so appalling i couldn't put it down/ anyway...pleasant soused as usual so we'll see what the rest of the day proffers...