Oooh you're a naughty mess

how the days melt into one long annoyance/ sat. night consumed 2 pints, 6 500 ml cans stella and 20 cls whiskey and watched the stooges play glastonbury/ fucking phenomenal/ then slept long, waking with a crushing hangover around one pm before going for coffee and through the motions till collapse around five/ awake at seven i drank moderately (2 500ml cans stella and 3/4 bottle rioja) till 0200 and then retired but could not sleep/ thus i'm up at 0440 typing/ i think i'm experiencing very mild withdrawal/ for at least a fortnight i was tres flush and making regular trips to north london, usually picking up 6 bags/ thus i was smoking between 3 and 6 bags a night for weeks/ the methadone goes a long way to assuage the more pronounced symptoms but i still experience some discomfort/ however alcohol has a very similar effect to methadone so because i'm usually drunk i don't notice/ i'm currently not drunk so the symptoms are noticeable/ i cannot believe i ever tried to quit/ the pain is just too much/ in twelve months i went cold eight times and never made it further than four days/ usually after three i'd be craving sleep more than pain relief/ lying awake for twelve hours with my fucked up head is a rather challenging experience/but what am i saying/ all the symptoms of heroin withdrawal are equally and highly unpleasant and from them there is no escape/it is truly horrific/ add to that the fact that most addicts have had their fair share of pain by the time they're hooked and there is no convincing case for taking on at least a week's relentless suffering/rather despair often gives one the momentary gumption to decide to tackle one's habit head on but the reality of withdrawal soon wears one down to the point one would be gladly gang fucked by one's dealers for a bag/ an unpleasant thought but the unpleasantness of most unpleasant experiences pales into insignificance next to withdrawal/the rape would be unpleasant but a) one has kind of consented and b) it won't last long and then relief/ there is no relief of any kind from withdrawal/ if one could sleep it'd be a cinch/ but the physical agony combined with the psychological agony compounded by endless and acute insomnia is too much, particularly for the delicate and already wounded addict/ a life where one goes out of one's way thrice monthly to procure methadone is comparative bliss/and if pleasure be the avoidance of pain, all bliss is relative/