Cocktails, my substitute for pistol and ball

pills
pills pills pills
take pills to
enhance
tolerate
maintain
balance a balance of
drunkenness and alertness
relaxation and agitation
outgoingness and restraint

pills pills pills and
booze booze booze
fucking booze
one desire operational, they say
self-destruction, a death wish

but no, as usual they are wrong

i am simply a hedonist, a pleasure seeker
and my desire for
pleasure is found in some things
good and other
bad things

i want to be
high to not have to
tolerate the tepid stasis of
existence/ but i certainly don't want to
die

so many times have i been
told i'm self
destructive...
better a hangover than the madhouse
a drunk once said and i
concur

better anything or where than
madness and
institutions

so pills booze pills booze
balance
maintain
survive and when your heads twisted and liver's gone...
?

whilst not a fan of dickinson, due in part to my ignorance of her work and general dislike of too formulaic poetry (one can hardly hear the soul scream though such dense and unnecessary cover - if indeed for that type it screams at all) a couple of lines in her death... pome are fairly decent/ moreover it reminds me vaguely of the wonderful climax of dos.'s the double/ currently listening to schubert winterreise/ feeling acceptable today/ yesterday saw a return to something vaguely resembling (or trying to ape) moderation: 2 bottles premium ale (500mls); 4 cans guiness draft (500mls); 1 bottle red (750mls); usual adjuncts/ my musical journey continues at a fair pace though i'm considering a return to classical as it has the most wonderful affect on my temperament and my writing/

've started to take ginseng with my meals/ it's wonderful: it heightens tactile sensations and perception/ currently drinking premium ale and listening to the smiths, the world won't listen/ very little to report other than i've found a tolerable balance of drink and healthy foods and supplements/ however i crave dearly the lucidity of mind one experiences when sober/