Oooh you're a naughty mess

feeling pretty g'd/ brother over for meal last n., he and alba sharing 1 btl barolo, i stuck to special brew (a mere 3 1/2 cans for the day)/ also daily methadone intake down to 30 mls, citalopram to 20 mgs/ i feel like my muscles are waking from a long sleep/ but were it not for the booze and drug fug would i get such pleasure from simply feeling more alert?/ for those who enjoy the tunes i recommend try sure nuff, cpt beefheart, at thoutube/ listening: pomme fritz, orb/ drinking: cafe noir/ reading: charterhouse of parma, stendhal/ the dog is asleep by the door after a large b'fast/ the maddening humidity has finally lifted, dispatched by several days of heavy rain/ how frustrating that so much of our life is determined by electrical or chemical impulses/ conversely it is great one can change one's life-outlook &c with a pill/ i'm used to being 'out there' (aeons of training) but nonetheless rarely enjoy it/ i mean everything has a price, the higher you get the more damage you do to yr body and mind, but whilst one becomes tolerant of substances, one doesn't come to tolerate the downside/ there are ways to cope with it, stoicism born of experience, anti-depressants, good diet, writing, psychiatrists, but it does seem a little unfair that the good effects wain and the bad seem to increase/ moreover the 'honeymoon period' is relatively brief (with smack a few months, maybe a year)/ what i'm saying is naturally of no consequence and any notion of cosmic unfairness is of course absurd/ it is just a 'head' bewailing the end of the party/ so fuck it...