Oooh you're a naughty mess

i was seized by that fanaticism of love which has repeatedly been so fatal to me. masoch

i have no idea why i'm so jumpy/ the mat just stuck to and then fell from the base of my glass and i almost leaped out of my skin/ t'other day the door bell went and the same/ i literally flew up in the air when a motorbike back fired along the high street last week/ who knows why.../ listening: fungle junk, dj food/ got the place to the self and just started my second glass of fizzy alky apple juice/ shit i've been listening to this album (dj food, recipe for disaster) since i was 15/ takes one back, what?/ the colossal, life shattering events which have occurred since are not inconsiderable in number, and 13 years is a long time, but nonetheless 15 doesn't seem that long ago/ it was a great time/ i had plenty female admirers, plenty of mates, was beginning to properly discover drukqs and rave culture, going to festivals/ it was a time when two great musical genres, grunge and rave, were at their peak/ magic memories, man/ now i'm a drunken relic of too much rave and too much post-rave activities, but i'm still here, sentient and passably content/ anyway...uh4 i leave, check this wonder -IN:

an indigenous canadian hunter was called to give evidence at an inquiry into a planned dam that would flood his homeland and destroy his traditional way of life. he was asked to swear on the bible that he would tell the truth, but having not seen the bible before wondered how this miraculous truth-telling instrument worked. he spoke with the translator at some length and finally the trans. looked up at the judge and said, 'he does not know if he can tell the truth. he says he can only tell what he knows.'

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Being an artist doesn't take much, just everything you got. Which means, of course, that as the process is giving you life, it is also bringing you closer to death. But it's no big deal. They are one and the same and cannot be avoided or denied. So when I totally embrace this process, this life/death, and abandon myself to it, I transcend all this meaningless gibberish and hang out with the gods. It seems to me that that is worth the price of admission. Hubert Selby Jr.