Oooh you're a naughty mess

rocks rocks rocks/ well managed to desist yesterday/ my consumption of toxins was minimal/ one can stella and a bottle bordeaux/ sleep was a bit broken but otherwise ok/ woke feeling ok/ should continue abstinence but it's very hard when one can buy crack on one's door step and heroin from about fifty locals/ besides my particular proclivities compel me/ never mind/ i know if i can stand it a few days i'll feel excellent/ i just get so excruciatingly bored/ although my use is balanced against a plethora of negative factors (one definition of addiction - continued use in spite of negative consequences) i prefer life when i use than when i don't/ however life with my woman will be up for review if i continue to use (and get caught - i've done pretty well so far but i get so fed up with all of the shit i have to put in place to go unnoticed that i've become lazy and have thus been caught out a couple of times recently)/ but i'm mainly with her for negative reasons/ if i loved myself i think i'd have been off years ago...