doin' f'in' ace/ the job at the radio station goes wonderfully - i have found my spiritual home/ got two one-h'r long shows next month on the b-l-u-s-e and plenty more work there besides/ i am actually happy with the work i'm engaged in/ bizat.../ exhausted tho' but in a good way/ living on special fried rice, wine and beer/ did some great interviews for the station yesterday at a festival/ my academic and musical predilections have finally found a creative outlet/ lucky moi...

doin' ok/ mildly hungover, first time in a week/ drank and cooked sublime food last night followed by uber-majik sex and then watched the wire/ bed around 0100/ my week's been ok - almost finished editing film at college, got a job next week at a radio station in l- bridge (tho' it does start on my b'day), carnival this weekend &c./ h'ever 'cause of the job can't get too wasted at carnival/ oh well.../ feeling good in the mind/ the tablets, which i take before bed, seem to be working/ eating a lot of fish, mackerel, salmon &c. and taking epa and vitamin tablets/ also off spirits/sticking to beer and wine/ got an app. at the doc.'s tonight so'll request more counselling/ one can't get enough...

doin' ok/ five days 'sober' (id est not drunk)/ few beers and a cpl whiskeys pre-supper and citalopram before bed works a treat/ my head's been ok(ish) for a while now/ not going back to mind distended & spread over ceiling, walls and floor/ innit?

now the comforting blanket of opiates and booze's been pulled back i'm raw and prone to serious fluctuations of mood/ e.g. at work i never bother to talk with many people, merely because i have no interest in doing so/ i was warned at my pay review this had been 'noted' and i was a 'strong presence' and should be wary of this/ i thought 'what the fuck, i don't notice other's, why should they notice me?'/ but on saturday i spoke to virtually no one, read my book and felt acutely aware that this bothered others/ consequently i thought about work after work, something i've not done before/ what is so wonderful about opiate intoxication is it allows me to behave as i want/ if i don't want to talk to people i don't and do not give a fuck/ however now i'm suffering unpleasant thoughts & emotions/ i love social contact and am usually very good at it/ however when i willingly slip below the radar and am not blanketed i experience strong feelings of paranoia and persecution/ but i am not willing to counter these by e.g. mingling when that is not what i want/ true the opiate-alcohol cocoon limits one, but i find it liberating because my emotions give me far too much grief/ hm...

doin' good/ made my first film yester: actors were on time, all went rather well, footage looks ok/ 'twas a larf and a good as-against for sitting in the house on a hot summer's day drinking...

feeling rather mental, consequence of citalopram and booze/ i am now resolved to quit - i cannot take this head-mess any more/ moreover it's bound to get worse/ it feels like cannabis psychosis so p'haps it's early alcohol dementia/ shit i'm only 29.../ anyway i have to quit, sort my head out once and for all: anti-depressants, counselling, positive activities &c/ i cannot go on like this...

doin' well/ friday palz over for bbq and pissed massively, four odd bottles of wine topped with wild sex of many hours/ then woke to a manageable bad head the following/ slept on-off most of the jour then a curry in the eve & early bed/ woke this morn feeling cleansed so to park with alba where met some friends for coffee, straight up/ now about to shop for lunch and attempt to avoid alcohol at least till this eve/ out...