getting heavily into dub music again/ currently 'spinning' the congos, ark of the covenant/ need to sort out some disc jockey work fur cash/ got a job on k- hospital radio starting may and they put you through a course on how to do it, you know, produce shows like/ stille off methadone, which is great/ drinking not too bad: yester 6 day beers and a cpl whiskeys to induce slumber/ work goes well tho' exceedingly does it bore me/ although i go in there ripped to the tits most nights no one seems to mind/ keep it foolish...

alone last night i smoked some pollem and got in between the frequencies of dub music/ this was sur-divine till my thoughts turned to the ultimate groundedlessness of our concepts and this, being something the mind is not comfortable with plus the sensitizing effects of the thc, caused my brain to capsize somewhat/ thus i 30 mls methadone which, atop red wine, spliff and a tolerance of almost nothing caused luminous green waterfalls to pour soothingly down my front brain and limbs/ 'twas sheer divine/ gouched for the rest of the night and slept well in an empty bed/ enough said...

day four sans methadone/ 've managed to cut the drinking to 2 day cans and a one-half btl vino of an eve/ getting to sleep takes a little while, something i've not experienced in some time/ h'ever if i keep drinking in the manner of late i won't last much longer/ better on the brown, innit?/ bored as hell today/ carrying out mundane tasks and listening to a lot of happy mondays, for a change/ reading a book on sid vicious/ for a book by a music journalist it's not the most terrible writing i've ever encountered/ i intend to stay off gear, which shouldn't be too difficult/ the only places i know to score these parts are crack-houses of sorts ('friends' houses which each day flood with the various fuck-ups, hardcore crackheads and mental patients allowed out of s- mental institution on day release)/ i find these places infinitely depressing and 'ving to buy white and share it with the house owner is not economical/ if i'd a few guys like in nth ldn it might be different/ the GBP 10 i spend on booze a day would probably go on 'dark' (a sth ldn phrase, as against 'light' (crack))/ anyway, all this writing of drugs is causing me to salivate so i'm going to stop and've a slow and quiet beer/ laters beings...

stille off methadone/ the withdrawal became a little overwhelming at times but alcohol was there to prop me up/ work is well and i can't seem to do badly, no matter how arse-holed i am/ no idea how i got through yesterday, waking with a 9 beer and one 'fifth' whiskey hangover, but i did/ motion seems to be some form of saviour/ bizat...

off methadone!/ for the first time in 6 years i've had no methadone in days and nothing to substitute/ in fact the thought of picking-up is no temptation and the thought of methadone makes me sick/ not using for a cpl months has broken my psychological dependence on heroin and reducing methadone intake over a long period's meant the physical withdrawal's not been trop excruciating/divine/ i'm also sworn off the spirits and drink only beer/ 'd 6 persons over for luncheon yester and cooked a fantastic meal tho' i was so drunk i could barely stand/ currently reading kesey's one flew over the cuckoo's nest (again)/ listening to jimmy reed, you don't have to go/ stille buying records by the tonne/ work's going well which means i can get away with lunchtime drinking &c/ shit if i'd an island with no cheap off licenses i'd been off booze in a week/ hmm.../ oh and if anyone actually reads this (apart from my one loyal and wonderful fan) please check out youtube/billyshitcheese/ peace...

dropped another 2.5mls methadone yester and as per went on a two bottle vodka binge, whiling away the after upstairs blathering shit to my neighbours and smoking pollem/ i then returned home, necked a 'fatal' dose of anti-depressants and went to work/ i made it as far a e- before realising i'd loose my job if i turned up in that state/ so i went to house of m- but no one was there/ the door was open so i sat on the couch for a bit and freaked when i realised the furniture had changed and that perhaps someone else now lived there/ i left, tried to steal a side of parma ham from a deli and then bought a cpl beers for my homeward journey/ memory fails me after that/ i woke at 0530 to the dawn chorus and've been reading since/ rock 'n' stroll...

doin' g'd/ down to 5mls methadone and a cpl day beers, tho' sat. night was an all nighter thru till morning then the parents came and the sister yet i managed to cook and made it till 2130 b4 collapse/ got work later 'n' rx pick-up: routine, routine, routine/ listening to black grape, in the name of the father/ yes...